Stewart Brodian

Musician, composer, performer, actor, radio + TV host,
artist, celebrity impersonator, film maker + more!

Right now I'm trying to watch the movie "Lost In Translation".

I know I'm in the wrong frame of mind and I'm sorry but, for me this movie and all other movies are now outdated and borderline science fiction/fantasy.

One of the first things we see is Bill Murray riding in a cab in Tokyo, the big neon signs, lots of people walking around, people shaking his hand, he's casually hanging out at a bar.

We don't do this anymore.

Traveling, restaurants, bars, crowded elevators.

This type of lifestyle no longer exists.

And, it's anybody's guess when or if things will ever return to normal.

Whenever someone watches something like a Star Trek movie, they're accused of being a "Geek", living in a fantasy world with no real grasp on reality or a real life.

Well,... what do you think now of a scene in a movie where someone casually meets someone in a bar and brings them home for a little romance?

How about a fight scene where people are coming in physical contact?

This isn't the same world we all grew up in.

The only word I can think of for anything made before March 2020 is the word "reminisce".

And there's all the insulting words for people who sit around watching old films.

Well, I guess we're all in that category whether we like it or not - whether we'll admit to it or not.

As a creative person, I'm trying to deal with this by creating a film which I'll be debuting on my TV show in two months.

I'm trying to look to the future.

I don't know if this will be the next craze, state of the art or what.

I'm calling it a "Selfie Film" (or "Selfilm"?).

I've shot all the footage myself, wrote all the dialogue and the only thing I'm not doing is editing.

All the raw footage was sent to my TV show's editor via dropbox.

More on the film later.

Right now, all the movie studios are ghost towns.

How can you make a movie in the midst of all this? - You can't!

And, what is there to write about?

(Sigh) Just the same, I think Hollywood has made enough Batman movies for a while.

And, could everybody stop trying to beat each other down over Biden or Trump?

Neither one of these guys has a magic wand you know....

This isn't funny anymore.

My cars' tire went flat while working tonight. I'm not going to make as much money as I hoped for. Oh well,..

I'll get it fixed in the morning and return to being 'me' again,..!

Episode #44 of my TV show, Brodian's Basment, is just about finished and I'm already lining up films and videos for show #45.

I like doing the show as a creative outlet.

I like making music even more!

If I'm not busy, I'm not happy!

I posted this on one of my TV shows' pages: I want to write a scene where I show blacks and whites acting as equals. The problem is, society won't accept it. I'll be accused of living in a dream world. But, this is what society wants. Why can't people accept certain ideas?

One of the things I like about being a DJ at WDIY is that I get to play new music.  Never a dull moment when I'm on the air.  And, the best part is, there's always new music made available for me to choose from to play on my shows!  Search playlists on www.wdiy.org  My shows are called Saturday Night Alternative and (Thursday's) The Blend!

My day Thursday: checked my P.O. Box, filled the car's gas tank, washed the car and by 9:00 AM I was at Toyota's service center having the passenger side airbag replaced (factory recall). At noon, I was having lunch with a friend. From 1:00 - 4:00 PM, I was on the air at WDIY. At 4:30, I had an early dinner. 4:00 - 9:00 PM, working my day job. 9:30 PM, I'm playing guitar and singing on a podcast. 11:00 PM, I'm playing for a 1/2 hour at an open mic night. After 11:30, filling in my journal and then I went to bed. did I do enough that day?

For the last few months, I have been working dilligently on releasing a 2nd book.  The new book will be called, "Here's The Future You Asked For".  The first one, "I'm Not Snooki (or, what I really think about society and why)" was released about six years ago.  Both books are commentaries on different aspects of society.

The world has changed quite a bit since the first book was released and I felt it was time to release something new.

A long time ago, I released a spoken word CD called "Misplaced Messiah".

It was the same idea only spoken, not printed.

I was inspired by people like Jello Biafra and Henry Rollins.

I say things and then I try to back them up with known facts.

A few weeks ago, I drove up to Kingston, N.Y..  I was shooting scenes for a TV pilot.

As I drove into town, I noticed an art gallery on the main street.

I turned my car around and went to park.

As I was trying to park my car, there was a dragon fly flying in front of me.

It was as if it was guiding me into my parking spot.

When I walked in to the art gallery, I struck up a conversation with the lady at the desk.

I mentioned that I am a DJ and she told me that the following week, she'll be hosting a radio show where she will talk about art and interview artists.

She asked me if I could give her any good tips.  I start to say a few ideas and then I asked for a sheet of paper.

The next thing I knew, I had filled the entire page with advice.

She looked at it and said that was very helpfull!

Was that dragon fly my spirit animal?

Several years ago, there was a TV show on ABC called Life on Mars . Many people were dissatisfied with the way the show ended. There's a troupe of fans that get together once in a while in NYC to celebrate the show. I'm a fan of the show too and I just wrote a good portion of a script of what I felt might have been a better ending for the show. I just sent it off to the head of the fan group and I'm just going to wait and see what she thinks of what I wrote. I'm not looking to get the version I wrote made - it's more of a hobby type of thing.

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The white shoe'd foot of Gene Hunt steps down amongst a cloud of red dust.

Gene, Chris, Ray and Sizeable Ted are walking cautiously through the back hallway of a building.

Bricks have been drilled, wooden planks are strewn about - there has been some condstruction going on....

The crew walks carefully amongst the construction equipment  and supplies and they stop at a wooden door.

Chris, gun drawn, tries to open it up.

"It's locked boss"

Gene, in his usual casual way, Don't worry, I got a key!

Chris says,"A key?"

Gene: "A very big key!"

He then gently pushes Chris out of the way, nods his head towards the door and Sizeable Ted crashes through the door almost as easily as one would walk through a bead curtain.

"A sizeable key!".

Walking through the hallway, they find a small storage room.

In the room are two long haired men in their twenties.

They're wearing tye dies and blue jeans.

"Hey!" says one, "What's going on?".

Sizeable Ted holds the other against the wall by his long hair.

Gene, in his usual suave manner, says: "We're musicians".

"We're looking for the latest sounds!".

Ray, opening up one of the boxes says, "They're right here boss!".

"well, well, well, what have we here?,..." says the sarcastic leader of the one two five.

Bootleg records!

Inside the box are pirated albums of Pink Floyd, David Bowie and others.

"I don't suppose the artists are making money off of these LP's?".

"We're just helping promoting them" says the un-as-yet held suspect.

"Oh really?!!!  Well, we're going to give you a little promotion.  We're going to promote you two from stock boys all the way up to jail birds!".

"Get these losers out of here!

As the soon to be convicted are led out of the room, Gene Hunt looks at the strange home made looking style cover of a pirated David Bowie album; "What the h-ll is all this [email protected]?".

Chris, looking somewhat curiously interested: "It's the newer style of rock and roll.  It's called 'space rock'".

Oh yeah, Chris?  Well, I got a space for this rock - it's called the garbage!".

Ray, in a laughingly sort of way says, maybe Spaceman Tyler would have liked to have some of this in his collection!".

As the troupe are walking back to their patrol cars Chris asks Gene, "Hey, uh, lieutenant, what exactly happened with Sam?".

"Well Chris, all that excitement was bit to strenuous on his".

The would from his gunshot opened up on him,.."

"And that's why Sam collapsed in the squad room?".

"It turns out, he wasn't hugging me out of gratitude - he was in a lot of pain!".

Ray joins in the conversation:

I thought it was funny the way Sizeable had to pry him off you.

It was like watching someone pry a suckling baby away from it's mother!

Chris tries to hide a smile from Ray's remark.

Gene, motions them both towards his car, "Let's get back to the precinct".

Meanwhile, at the local hospital, it;'s just another regular day:

Nurses rushing about, phones are ringing, a baby is crying in the emergency room....

Down a long hall, in a more quiet part of the facility, Sam is in a hospital bed.  He is recuperating.

He is nearly fully conscious, a soft voice whispers to him:

"Wish you were out on patrol?".

It's Annie.  She's sitting by the bed, holding Sam's hand.

There's an IV in his arm.  His eyes fully open.

He sees her.  He looks at her, sees her concern in her eyes and speaks reassuringly.

"I had a strange dream".

"Oh Sam, don't tell me it's another realization of 'that must be why I'm here' type of thing!".

"No, this one was totally different".

"I was in a spaceship,... you were my commander,...".

"A dream for you,.. (thinks) more like a nightmare for Ray!".

"Where is Ray, Chris, Gene,...?".

"They went out on a call.  They told me to visit you, see how you were doing, make a check on any progress,...".

 Sam tries to straighten up,.. "They've promoted you from twirl to babysitter,...".

"I think you've been hanging around Ray too much".

Annie realizes that maybe she shouldn't have made that remark.

"Well Sam, I have to get back to the office.  You need to get some rest.  There's probably a ton of paperwork waiting for me.  I'll see you tonight.".

"Sure sweetheart". says a relaxing Sam.

As Annie leaves, a song is heard from a radio on a nurses desk.

The song is Gilbert O'Sullivan's "Alone Again".

"..... sixty five years old, my mother G-D rest her soul,...".

Sam's eyes open wildly: "Mom!.

 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - -

Back at the squad room it's business as usual;

typewriters are clacking, phones are ringing, criminals being processed,...

Ray is finishing up his report on that morning's activity.

Annie is walking past him as she goes to her over-piled desk.

"Hey Norris, walk this over to the filing cabinet.  I gotta go to the head".

"Walk it over yourself Ray.  I have my own paperwork to do and I have just as many resposibilities as you, now that I am also a detective!".

Ray flops the paperwork on his desk, "I'll do it when I get back".

Chris leaves to join Ray in the men's locker room.

Sizeable Ted walks towards Annie as she sits at her desk.

"What was that all about?".

"Ray is still getting over the shock of seeing a woman being promoted to his equal".

"Maybe he's not getting enough at home, huh Annie?".

"I think his wife gets enough of him from time to time,...".

Chris is standing at the entrance to the mens locker room.

Ray is urinating.

"Ray, maybe you should lighten up on Annie".

"Hey, boy wonder, I don't need to be reminded of our diminishing manhood while I'm here aiming my manhood".

Chris, obviously intimidated, apologizes to Ray and quietly heads back towards the squad room.

 ------------------------------

It's now a week later.  Sam's internal bleeding has finally healed. He is back at his apartment and he is in the midst of preparing a meal.

Windy, the ever so spacey and friendly flower child casually walks in.

"Hey 2-B!".

Sam is a little surprised to see her and yet, the sight of her makes him realize that life is (sort of) getting back to normal.

"What's for,.." (notices quite a lot of preparation) "are you having a VIP coming over?".

Sam realizes that his relationship with Annie is getting serious.

He can't just have Windy barging in whenever she wants but, he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

"Windy, remember when you told me that the clouds send you messages?".

"Sure!  I still get messages.  'things are the same back home, hope you're doing well,.. you know,..."

"Do you ever get messages about relationships?"

"Why?" (she thinks, leans over to Sam)  "Are you getting serious with Annie, 2-B?".

Sam looks into her eyes.  "I think I've found the right one".

"Are we going to be hearing wedding balls 2-B?".

Sam smiles.

Windy starts doing a walking down the aisle type of dance humming/singing "Bah bump bah dum, bah bump bah dum!".

Something in Sam's frying pan makes a noise and Sam quickly attends to it.

"Ooh, looks like you got something to concentrate on 2-B".

As she leaves she says, "I'll leave you to prepare for your little nuptials and eventual consummation!"."Windy!" 

Sam embarrassingly sighs and goes back to attending his food.

It's later in the evening.  Sam and Annie are eating dinner.Annie appears to be lost in thought,.. Sam notices her

."Too much paper work today Annie?".

"I'd rather not think about work right now".

"What's the matter?"

."It's Ray".

"Oh?  What did macho man do now?".

"'Macho Man'?" She pauses for a moment. "He still can't get over the fact that a woman made detective".

"hmmn" says Sam, "Maybe they should reassign him to the women's division and let him see how the other half lives!".

"Yeah, maybe it'll teach him to be a little more kind to his wife".

Sam looks concerningly,...

Annie, still thinking, says: "Macho Man.  Somebody ought to write a song called that - it'd be perfect for him!".

Sam, not wanting to say too much about the future says; "I'm sure they will,.. someday". -------------------------------------------

The next day, Sam walks into the squad room.As he goes to sit at his desk to see the day's assignments, Gene Hunt walks out of his office.

"Tyler!  My office!"

Ray and Chris are - - - -

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Later, Sam is at his desk typing a report.Annie approaches.

"Sam, I finally found some time to try to get an invite to Rose Tyler for our wedding.  Things got busy while you were out".

"I'm sorry Sam but, 'your mother' is gone".

All the color runs out of Sam's face.

"Sam, what's wrong?  I was just being facecious!".

"Rose Tyler has moved away and there's no forwarding address"."That's OK Annie.  I was kind of expecting that.  I have to finish this report".

"Sure thing" says Annie, as she walks away to her desk with a concerned look on her face.

Sam looks at his typewriter, wipes a tear from his eye and goes back to finishing his report.

--------------------------------------

A few days later, Annie is at her desk.it is the end of the day.Sam has already headed home for the night.

It's apparent that her forthcoming marriage to Sam is taking her mind off some of her work.

Phylis, one of the other ladies at the squad, walks over to her desk."Annie, there's something interesting in the ladies lounge and I'd like you to take a look at it".

Annie, not quite sure to make from that statement, cautiously yet, cheerfully walks along with the heavyset Phylis.

"Me and the girls have put together a little impromptu bridal shower for you".

Annie is delightfully surprised by the attendance of some of the ladies in the room.There are little presents, trinkets, cards and a big bow!The door to the lounge opens - it's Ray!

All the ladies look very suprized at his appearance in the scene.

Annie, slightly embarrassed and slightly more annoyed say: "Ray!  What are you doing here?  This is for ladies!

Ray steps slightly to the side, motions inward with his hand and in walks his wife with a large cardboard box.

Annie is delighted to see her."Oh my!,.. What a pleasant surprise!  You really didn't have to,...".Annie opens the box.  The box contains a beautiful handmade wedding dress.

Ray. in his sarcastic proudness of his wife says: "Like I told you, 'give her a needle and a thread and she calls it a hobby'".

"This is very thoughtful.  I don't know what to say".

Ray says: "You don't have to say anything.  just make Spacemen happy so that he can better concentrate on his work" and then Ray leaves.

Annie and all the other ladies disregard Ray's comment and continue admiring the dress.

---------------------------

It's after the wedding.

Sam and Annie are at Sam's apartment.The newlyweds are in bed, together and happy.

Annie slightly turns down the radio.George Harrison's "What Is Life" is playing on the radio."Sam, when we were dancing at our wedding, I picked up a different feeling about you".

"How different sweetheart?".You seemed to be more at peace with yourself - as if, nothing bothered you anymore".

"I'm home Annie!  I've finally found peace of mind with you!".

Annie smiles with the relief that she'd always wanted to bring to Sam's mind.She kisses him goodnight and straightens the covers around him.

Sam's face, eyes closed, exhibits a smile - the kind he's never shown before!He thinks to himself: "This is the happiness I've always wanted.  I feel as if I'm finally past all my troubles.  This is where I want to be.  I'm finally home!  I'm finally home!".

Sam reaches out his hand to hold Annie's hand,.. and he hears a metallic rattle at the edge of the bed.Alarmed, he opens up his eyes.He's in a hospital bed.  He looks around.The first thing he sees is a flat screen TV!

He then notices a calender on the wall.  It's December 2008!

A blonde haired nurse, with a chart, is leaning outside of his room and calling out: "Doctor, he's awake!".She turns around before the doctor walks in.  Her name tag reads: 'A. Norris'

.I'll bet you thought you were going to be here for a while huh?"Apparently, you responded well to the audio simulators".

Sam, looking confused: "simulators?".

"Yes.  There was a David Bowie album on your cars ipod.  They figured you would respond well to 1970's music".

The doctor walks in" "And who thought it would be some song about life on Mars that would make somebody recover?"

"This is Doctor Hunt.  He was the one overseeing your recovery Mr. Tyler.  He's kind of our lieutenant".

"Oh Norris, that reminds me, where's our intern?""Isn't he right outside Doctor?"."Chris?!" Shouts an annoyed Gene Hunt.

A young intern Skelton walks into the recovery room. "Yeah boss?"."Chris, you don't have to call me 'boss'.  I'm only your guidance councilor for your internship"."I wanted you to see what a patient looks like when thewy come out of a coma!".Dr. Hunt goes over the recovering Sam Tyler with a penlight and such."Yes, Mr. Tyler, you had a pretty good conc on the head!"."The driver was honest about it.He contacted the authorities and it was all taken care of.

Sam thinks,... "What else did I miss?".

Nurse Norris says: "You missed the election!"."Who won?".

"Barrack Obama - he's our first black president!"

"He actually won?".

"Yeah" says a sarcastic Dr. Hunt.  "Let's hope he can do something about health care in this country".

While Nurse Norris is straightening Sam's bed and Dr. Hunt is showing intern Chris some notes on a chart, a janitor walks in.  'Cartling' says his name tag."I'm here to clean up the spill.

Nurse Norris points out the mess on the other side of the room.

Chris is slightly in the way.The janitor, slightly pushes Chris out of the way and Chris apologizes to him.The janitor says, "Give me some space man!".

Annie whispers to Sam, "That guy will never amount to anything!".

Dr. Hunt, seeing her next to Sam says: "Okay Florence Nightingale!  Let's all get back to the office!".

She turns back up the radio while George Harrison's "What Is Life" is playing.

Sam just looks surprised,............................

A few months ago, I met with a Ben Franklin impersonator in Philadelphia.

Barry Stevens is his name and I interviewed him - along with two other Ben Franklins - for my cable TV show.

While we were talking about meeting, he told me about a colonial themed restaurant in Philadelphia where we could eat after the interview.

I have a nice colonial style coat so, I thought it'd be nice if he stayed in character, as Benjamin Franlin, and I would accompany him as Thomas Jefferson.

Then, I heard about a new cable TV show in Philadelphia called "Conversations Across Time".

The show has people portraying historical characters being asked on a panel about social issues of the past when compared to today.

Thomas Jefferson was one of the characters they were looking for - coincidence, huh?

They also needed someone to portray Abraham Lincoln - I already had the costume!

When I made my first TV pilot, I would submit it to film festivals.  It won an award at the first one I sent it to!

After a while, it wasn't getting accepted to film festivals (for, whatever reasons,...)

It costs money to submit to film festivals.

I figured: if I'm to be spending money on it, why not spend it on results?

There's more people watching TV than sitting in the theater at the film festival anyway.

And, you never know who may be watching,...

Besides, what better way to create a buzz for something than to have it on the air?

I do a weekly radio show at WDIY in Allentown, PA. and I know a few things about broadcast regulations.

My show doesn't violate any of them.

People are tired of the shock value that some broadcasters seem to think they need in order to get ratings.

There's nothing offesnsive or filthy in my TV show.

It's simply a good script that makes people both laugh and think.

Isn't that what some people are looking for in television?